It's The King and Shirou!
by XxMisaki EndouxX
Summary: Series of oneshots stemming from an opening event in the Emiya residence where Saber inverts in the middle of a casual conversation with the group. Contains mostly comedy, but also has light Saber AlterxShirou stuff as well. NOT DISCONTINUED!
1. Opening

**This is something I write out of fun or whenever I'm bored or out of reports to painstakingly do, so update dates vary.**

**BTW, this is based off of Hollow Ataraxia with some changes for comedic purposes. Also, THIS IS, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, ALSO CONTAINS SABER ALTERxSHIROU STUFF!!!**

**Start!!!**

**VWVWVWVWVWVWV**

"Today started like any other day with a quick bath before a healthy breakfast. And, as usual, Saber ate most if not everything on the table with Fuji-nee struggling to catch up.

Everyday 's like this, but for some reason, it doesn't get old.

It's probably because of the fact that every day has a new combination of people at the table.

Today, it was me, Saber, Rin, Sakura, Rider, Fuji-nee, Caren, and Bazett-san. Yesterday had me, Saber, Rin, Illya, Leysritt-san, and Mitsuzuri-san on a visit.

It's fine with all of the visits and everything, but Caren's comment about it this morning really creeped me out.

"_With every day like this, it's like this place is a women's dormitory, right? Maybe I should live here instead…"_

Of course, I told her something along the lines of "No way in hell", although it sounded nicer. I wouldn't want to experience her woman's wrath, after all."

"You have a great talent for narrating your life, Emiya-kun!"

I don't need to hear that from you, Rin.

"But seriously, have you ever considered that? You're the only male present at every mealtime, right?"

You have a point, Rider. But really… If only Archer eats here every so often to tilt the scales a bit…

Nah… Just the thought of him agitates me.

"I think I know what Caren-san is thinking, senpai."

You do, Sakura? I'm sure I don't.

"Well, there's a lot of pressure on the woman who eats your cooking, right? Maybe was trying to tell you that… in her own… unique way…"

Why do you sound like you're asking a question? Anyway, I doubt she's trying to tell me something that deep. I think she was just trying to bully me as she does to everybody she meets…

Speaking of cooking…

"Saber, what do you think? Do you agree with what Sakura just said?"

She should be the best person to ask about it, since she devours three times the amount of food everybody eats every day.

"Yeah, Saber! What do you think? Do you feel anything before or while eating Emiya-kun's food?"

Let's just hope not.

"What happened to your ahoge, anyway? New hairstyle?"

…

Wait a minute…

It's…

It's not there…

**VWVWVWVWVWVWV**

**Just as you thought, there is a continuation of this fic. However, let me warn you if you ever get any other ideas: **

**The chapters preceding this are like paths wherein Shirou decides different things to do after what I left-out here. I assure you that you laughing will be imminent each time.**

**Beware! ANY chapter MAY become a lemon if I want to. You'll notice if ever this fanfic changes its rating.**

**Now, for the ever-important note: YOU can decide what he'll do! It's like playing Fate/Stay Night all over again! (Not exactly, but yeah)**


	2. To the restaurant then a park stroll!

**I was bored writing all those boring reports and lying on my bed like a bored idiot, so I quickly wrote this! Awesome!!**

**Genre: Romance (with fluff) and some serious stuff at the end. Maybe I'm too much into Saber Alter in Fate/Unlimited Codes, but I feel like the world needs more ShiroxSaber Alter pairing.**

**Choice: To the restaurant, then a walk to the park.**

**VWVWVWVWVWVWV**

"Rin! The ahoge! It's not there!!"

I quickly turn to Rin…

She wasn't there either!!!

Oh, look. There's a note on the table. I pick it up and read...

"_You lost the moment your eyes met!"_

So they abandoned me here!? That's cruel! What should I do now!?

My heart picks up the pace like I'm being hunted by a big dragon, and to be honest, it really feels like it. Who knows? If she can turn from a bottomless feeder to a dastardly scary person, maybe she can even turn into such a thing as a dragon.

I shouldn't be saying bad things about her. Sorry, Saber.

"Shirou."

"Y-YES!?"

That reaction is pure reflex to stay away from impending death, no question.

"Why do you look so terrified?"

She asks me with cold eyes… but the little tilt-to-the-left-side is undoubtedly cute!!

Anyway, I'm not terrified! I'm just…

Who am I kidding…? I **am** terrified!!

"Want to go out for lunch, Saber?"

Okay, that's not exactly the answer I know she's looking for, but for some reason, I was able to say that with a smile on my face. I should pat myself on my back later if I can somehow reach it.

"That sounds fine…"

My heart skips a beat.

"Where do you want to eat?"

I hope my wallet can handle anything she wants to eat or I'll be a cold corpse by the end of today.

She pauses to think. Damn, that tilting of her head looks too cute!

"A fast food restaurant…"

A fast food restaurant, eh? It seems her taste for food also changes as she inverts. It's an interesting phenomenon I do not have the guts to ask about. In any case, I guess it's the local fast food restaurant it is, then.

VWVWVWVWVWVWV

Today is Sunday, so naturally, there'd be a lot of people out under the sun; a fast food restaurant is obviously not an exception, but surprisingly, the restaurant Saber wanted to go to was particularly almost devoid of customers. It's like an oasis from the desert outside.

"Can I get your orders?"

A girl I vaguely recall as one of my seniors asks me. From the way her voice sounded and how her waitress outfit's skirt was all messed-up gives hints of signing up for too many shifts in a single weekend.

"I'll just have some iced tea. You should ask her."

I point to Saber who's still staring at the menu like she's intending to buy everything in it… Don't do that.

A few minutes flew by like greased lightning until she finally responds.

"Two double-decker hamburgers, large fries and a strawberry shake."

Her tastes did change, but her amazing appetite certainly did not. At least what she ordered were relatively cheap in this particular restaurant, so no lasting harm done.

"Saber? Shouldn't you refrain from too much of those things? They may make you fat, you know?"

What has come over me!? I'm dead!! Why did I ask such a thing!!??

"I believe that I've ordered only the minimal amount of food I need to last until dinner. Which reminds me, what are we having tonight?"

Whew! Good thing she didn't take it badly. Wait, only the minimal?

…

Right……..

"Well, I was thinking of something Chinese tonight since we've been having Japanese food for the past five days straight already."

Rin doesn't like it when the food gets redundant, that's why.

"It doesn't matter. As long as you make it, I am assured of its quality."

Did I just hear that right? I don't think she inverted completely. Maybe there's still some of the normal, calm, and collected Saber still left within those dark, ravenous veins of hers, but I'm too much of a coward to check.

"But if you are to ask me of what I would prefer tonight, I would like to have meat."

Eh, no. She's inverted. Yep. No doubt about it.

Moments later, the waitress arrives with difficulty bringing… her food.

I hand her the money and when I look back…

"Thanks for the food"

DONE ALREADY!?

…

"Was the food all right, Saber?"

She stares at me like she's going to eat me next.

"Insufficient."

I wish somebody would come along to take her off of my hands…

The sound of earrings…

"Well, hello there mongrel brat. Fancy meeting you here."

Opportunity!!!

"Gilgamesh!!"

He looks startled.

"Wha… what is it!?"

I pull his ear closer to me and whisper loudly.

"Want to have Saber for yourself until tonight? Fill up for me, will you?"

Like something out of a cheesy romance movie, his face lights up with sheer joy. He's an idiot… not to mention desperate.

Then, the unexpected happens.

He kneels in front of me (in public, no less) and…

"I am in your debt!!"

…

Well, I better say goodbye to Saber.

"Saber? I have things to do back home, so can I leave you with Gil?"

"…"

I think that means I'm going to suffer a painful death tonight courtesy of the king…

"Well…?"

I'm getting that "I'm getting impatient so hurry it up" look from Gilgamesh behind me.

"…"

Her stare didn't get any less threatening… mentally, I mean. If this keeps up, I'm afraid I'm going to leave a bad impression on her… which I know will haunt me until my would-be untimely death.

"I'll be going now. Come back for dinner, okay Saber?"

I turn around from Saber and start to walk away. I sure hope she turns back to her normal state before she goes home or I'll have to lock myself in my room. If that doesn't work, I can always hide out at the Church or at Illya's place in the meantime.

I take my first step and the weirdest thing ever happens.

Saber stops me… by grabbing my sleeve!

"Don't go…"

What? I think I'm deaf if I heard that right.

She gives my sleeve a little tug.

"Don't go…"

Again, she tugs on my sleeve. And again, I am charmed by her actions despite the death sentence.

I guess I have no choice. Then again, it's her, so it can't be that bad.

"Sorry, Gil. Some other time."

A look of outrage burned on his face soon after telling him that. I only need to worry about him now, huh? This should be pretty hard.

"Is my lazy pig servant here?"

"Caren-san? Good afternoon."

"Good afternoon, Emiya."

The priestess from the church, Caren-san makes her appearance. And like a cause and effect action, Gilgamesh runs in fear. Of course, he gets snatched by Caren's shroud within a few moments. Now, I know Caren-san is very pretty and all, but one could say her choice of words isn't the most appealing vocabulary in the world.

"Ah, it's so nice of you to come to me _willingly_. We're going to have a nice talk after I burn your tongue out at home."

Scary…

"I'm sorry if my dog caused you any trouble, Emiya. I'll be sure to place him in a literal leash starting tomorrow. Good day."

I wave Caren-say goodbye and watch as she drags fresh prey away.

Those two… I sure hope Gilgamesh can still talk after what Caren-san would put him through later. I need to make a note to ask Lancer about it tomorrow… if he can speak about it sanely.

"I bet that would be painful."

I feel yet another tug on my shoulder.

"Saber?"

She's looking down for some reason. Is she sad? I mean, is **she** sad?

Well, the only thing to do now is to make up for whatever I've done wrong. Is it because of Gil's appearance or the food?

"Would you like to take a walk with me, Saber?"

Without saying a word, she nods.

That went smoothly.

VWVWVWVWVWVWV

Ah, yes. During the whole afternoon, we spent time walking through the streets talking about useless things. She was usually leading the topic about junk food and such, but I'd sometimes find the subtle opportunities to change the topic to what I can actually relate to. Apparently, she likes pancakes better than takoyaki.

"Isn't your bangs too long now? You were complaining about it yesterday."

"Ah, correct. I seem to have failed to notice it this morning."

At one point, our conversation about what makes a good dinner went to hair. Seriously, this conversation is just a bunch of small talk, but it's really enlightening to hear Saber's inverted form talk so much.

Maybe it's because we usually run like hell the moment she shows signs of inversion… like her ahoge disappearing or sudden changes in hair color or demeanor.

"Shirou. Can you tell me more about this park?"

The park? Oh, I guess we managed to stroll here while we were talking.

Wait a minute! Weren't we in the shopping district earlier? Time sure does fly.

"Ah? Yes, this park."

The park…

I think the conversation would last a bit longer than what I'm expecting it to, so I lead her to a bench beneath a burnt tree.

"I think I've told you this already, but this park is one of the few remaining places left to remind everybody of the great fire… the fire that took everything away from me when I was still a child."

I feel dizzy… At least it wasn't like in the past where I'd feel completely out of it whenever I'd recall the scene of people screaming for help in the midst of the inferno around me…

"At that time, I was still a small kid who barely knew how to tie his shoes. As I've said, I felt like the luckiest person in the world to be the only survivor of that event. It was all thanks to—"

"Kiritsugu Emiya,"

Saber cut in before I said his name.

"As I recall, that man was the ideal master. He did not care for anything but to achieve his goal. He even went as far as refusing to hand me my scabbard to protect himself. What I never expected from him was to change his mind the moment he won the war."

I've heard this before…

"He wanted to destroy the Grail; that much I know. But the fact that I did not want to do what he wanted me to do was the reason Kotomine obtained the time to make his own wish for everything to disappear. And indeed, you are the luckiest person in the world to have survived Kotomine's wish. Perhaps your will as a child was stronger than Kotomine's anger against everything."

"…"

"Master. The truth is that the unfortunate circumstances that lead to the great fire was also what lead me to becoming your servant. If I had destroyed the Grail, hundreds of live could've been saved, but I would not have ever had the chance to meet you."

"I see your point."

She's telling the truth. If it hadn't been for that terrible disaster that took the lives of hundreds of humans, I would've never met Saber. And right now, I just can't imagine myself living without her.

Yeah… my life without Saber right now… I just can't see it happening with all that has already passed. Am I grateful that she didn't destroy the Grail, killing all those innocent people in the process? This isn't like me, but…

Up until now, I can still remember those voices trying to reach out to me; pleading for help.

Help me!

Save us!

I'm really happy when I'm with Saber… I can even confidently say that my happiness with her outweighs my memory of that disaster.

…

Wait…

She's still missing that one piece of stray hair… her skin is still pale enough to be called unhealthy… her face is still blank… and her eyes are still as cold as a block of ice…

So she **can **talk with her emotions… but her talking like this feels really awkward. I mean, it won't be that weird if she's in her normal, peaceful, cheerful, and eternally hungry state but this form…

"Shirou…?"

"Eh?"

"I asked you a question. It is not polite to stop listening to a person when he or she is talking."

How rude of me. What should I do? I didn't hear her question! If I asked her what it was, I'd be visiting the morgue sometime tomorrow!

"… Are you avoiding me…?"

"Eh? Of course not!"

I was, but not now at least.

With my reply, she looks up at the night sky. The first star makes its appearance as I notice the setting sun. The orange light is giving Saber's pale skin a mild tinge of color, multiplying her beauty a thousand fold.

She's beautiful, no matter what state she's in… no matter what evil or good is in her.

"I've noticed something, Shirou. Do you want to hear it?"

She suddenly says something after a while of staring at the first evening star. At the position my head is in, I can't get a good look at her eyes due to her long bangs. From what I could recall, I remember the normal Saber complaining about her bang's length yesterday but declaring that she doesn't want to go to such a place known as the barber's shop. That was even our topic of conversation just a few minutes ago.

"What is it?"

I lean forward to catch a glimpse of what her eyes might look like, but I still can't peek at it, no matter how far I lean without looking like I'm actually trying.

"Am I… unpleasant?"

… Eh?

"Whenever I turn to this state, I've noticed that I become… alone… People avoid me. Birds fly away from me. My enemies run in fear… Even you keep your distance from me. Is it because of the Shadow? Or does it not matter; that the fault is within me, who can still control my own actions despite the it?"

"Saber…"

No matter how dignified her voice is like usual, I'm feeling something that I haven't felt from her words in very, very long time. It's something that's rare to the normal Saber, and even more so in her current state.

Sadness.

"Maybe I should just disappear and leave my "normal" self here to enjoy her second life her in the World. From what I see, I do not think anybody would mind, given by their reactions towards me. Yes, I believe that disappearing would be the best choice…"

The dark Saber disappearing…? Sure, everyday life would go on so much easier without her, but…

That shouldn't happen. The dark Saber has already become a part of that everyday life. If she's gone, then a vital part of my daily routine would be gone, and that's very unappealing.

I don't know what madness or sadness or whatever came to me, but when I regained my senses, I was hugging Saber; her black gothic dress straining upon the strength I'm placing on it.

"I'm sorry."

…

"I'll never leave you again. I just realized it myself, but you're Saber; the person I love, even though you're a bit different."

I'm starting to sound cheesy, even to myself.

"You're a part of Saber as well. If you disappear, don't you think you'll make Saber feel a large, gaping hole within her? I think your influence on her is the whole reason she can enjoy her life now instead of still trying to become the ideal knight of old."

Hmm… Now that I think about it, Saber didn't have this case of inversions during the Holy Grail Wars, did she? She only started to have it right after. Ah, well. That's a minor detail.

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it. If she didn't have your temper, then what would she be now?"

Without a change in her blank face, her head tilts to one side. As far as I know, that's the only gesture she makes whenever she starts to think hard.

At least the air feels a lot less thick than how it was a bit earlier.

"She'd still be locking herself inside the dojo every mealtime, correct?"

Huh?

Before I know it, I'm laughing so hard like I haven't laughed for three years.

My stomach starts to hurt from my laughing, so I grab a hold of it. However, the laughing won't stop. If that wasn't an attempt for a joke, then who knows what would happen if she actually tried to make me laugh.

"Why are you laughing?"

Her voice was raised, so I guess she's a bit agitated by my reaction.

That actually sounded like the real Saber just then! Ahahaha!!

"Be… Because what you said was definitely true, but… IT wasn't the kind of answer I was **expecting** from you!"

With the small amount of strength I have left, I barely get to open my eyes just in time to see her clench her fist. Oh, no. She's getting angry.

I should really stop.

"… Hey, Saber?"

"…"

No response. Her fist isn't even in that tight vice grip anymore.

Did I agitate her too much? I know how fast she gets angry when she inverts, but right now… I have no idea.

Then, I hear a very familiar sound…

…

A stomach grumbling…

"Shirou…"

"Y… Yes…?"

"I'm hungry."

Ahahaha. Well, she is still the same eternally-hungry Saber I know.

"Meat for tonight, it is. Let's go before Rin busts a nerve."

At that, we traversed the small distance towards home sweet home. What's really different this time is…

"Saber? Are you cold?"

"No… Let me just… stay like this for a while…"

It's starting to snow. At least with Saber cuddling close beside me, it won't be that cold.

**VWVWVWVWVWVWV**

**I would like to leave a few notes here**

**In asking me what you want Shirou to do, please tell me either where you want him to go with Alter Saber or what you want him to do with her**

**I don't take anything lewd as wrong, seriously. But don't make this fic go to the Rated-M section too soon!**

**Black Saber too OOC? Well, tough luck! That's how this story was supposed to go! Hahaha!!**


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